Bad Movie Review #1

I've been trying to edit the sweatshop short, but my computer keeps overheating (it's old okay!) so it's been slow going.

It's sort of an unspoken rule in the film industry that when a co-worker invites you out to a social engadgement, you damn well go. Most of the time, you're more than happy to. Today is one of the only times--if not the only one--I wish I had a good excuse not to go. You see, the editor invited me to go see a Tomb Raider 'fan film' with him. Normally going to such an event would be a great way to heckle 40 minutes of dorkiness, but when you're going with your boss--eh, not so much. A boyfriend of one of eddie's friends directed it. I went online and watched the trailer and it might be a painful experience. On the other hand, what the heck? Might be fun...

I have my first bad movie review to give you guys. I'm thinking of starting a website, maybe called, BACTION: A site devoted to Bad Action movies, or something to that effect. What do you think? There are a lot of B-movie and bad horror sites, but I don't think the little niche of B-Action Movies has been taken.


ZERO TOLERANCE (1995)

This obviously will not be as complete of a review as it would be on BACTION but bear with me. Starring a post-T2 Robert Patrick, Zero Tolerance was a direct to video action film directed by PM Entertainment. I only mention this because the review I read that made me check out this film was from a guy who is a huge fan of the PM DTV features. So, I thought I'd check one of them out. [He promised most PM movies to be light on plot, heavy on explosions with some over-the-top acting and bad dialogue.] It did not dissapoint.

FBI agent Jeff Douglas (Patrick) heads to mexico on Christmas Eve to export a suspected co-head of a drug cartel named Manta, back to the US. On the ride back, the single FBI car (a 1989 Lincoln) is attacked by a truck and some bikes. Douglas fends for his life which includes blowing up bikes with a shotgun, everything catches on fire, but Manta escapes and the two other FBI agents are dead. A secret meeting reviels that Manta is indeed a member of the White Hand, a herion dealing outfit but he has slipped up and needs to get "the goods" to Vegas in 24 or else. Cut to Douglas at his hotel talking with his wife on the phone. Assailents break into to both places simultaniously and Manta forces Robert Patrick to escort him and his briefcase to Vegas or he'll kill his family. Douglas agrees, gets to vegas, avoids dying again only to find out his wife and two kids were killed anyways--on Christmas Eve to boot! Not only that The White Hand is plaging america with a new kind of drug--liquid herion. This drives him over the edge and after contemplating killing himself, Douglas decides to become a rouge vigilante and asassinates the drug cartel heads one by one. And that my friends is: Zero Tolerance.... no tolerence for... family slaughter? I don't really get the title but that's besides the point.

Stuff to look for:

- Douglas's FBI boss is comic gold for his lack of passion when finding out his agents were killed.

-Breaking a plate over the wife's head is a bit much when she's already unconscious

-If Robert Patrick shoots a shotgun, chances are something's going to explode

-A Fabio look-a-like named Kowalski. Did I mention he's a drug cartel leader?

-The warm-fuzz flashbacks. Not only are they too perfect, they are placed at the most perfect time. For laughter.

-I bet you can't just blow up wherehouses in New Orleans anymore....

-Did the bad guy really just carry the kidnapped girl across a jungle-gym bridge?!?!?

-Oh good, a kick ass ending! Let rockout durring the credits... wait... this song couldn't be more gay

I'm going to have to come up with some sort of meter for violence, sex and fun. For the record, Decent amount of Violence and explosions, no nudity but plenty of entertainment.